Psycho Talk

I had a conversation with John last night. It's like talking to a psychiatrist with a psychotic edge. Healthy for me tho, because I was on edge last night too. Haha. I was a bit high. Not on drugs but I just get high sometimes without any reason. We call it in the civilized world as mood swings.
After John and I analyzed his distrurbing mind, we were stuck with silence. Hmmm. So? Yeah?
Then he said even tho we see each other basically everyday for 4 years, he say he still don't know me. The real me.
Oh, I said. I dunno, I never waste much time analyzing myself.
But I do, I do analyze but in the middle of it all I just give up. Ha! Why bother and what will I do anyway with it if I discover "me"? Will I still have thrills?
Then John said that if only he knows himself well, maybe people would like him better. I said that's futile. Even if you know yourself, people won't. And who knows oneself better than you. It's just wasted effort.
He said he can't figure me out.
So do I. So do I.
Sometimes I think I have a split personality. Now I'm paranoid.
I think this session isn't going very well.
Then he said that I don't show people my inner most feeling. And that part of me scares the shit out of him [His words, not mine].
Good.
And he envies me. Tsk tsk tsk. Be careful what you wish for...
Well I said that all I discovered so far is that I'm obsessive-compulsive. And I have mood swings. And he is right that I just go with the flow. And I don't take myself seriously.
Yes! He fairly screamed. I'm so right that I don't take myself seriously, but he just can't say that in the open because I might get mad.
Mad? Me? What a waste of energy for me. I just do a slow torture. I said that I won't get mad if it's true, right? I even told him that he could slap that in my face. But problem is I slap back. It's more of a reflex. Really.
Then I have a talked with Donnadel too. She wasn't feeling well because she just found out that she was stabbed at the back by her so-called friends. She just wished that I was there to kill (my term) her friends. She was used and betrayed by those hijo de puta friends of hers. I said don't worry the wheel will turn and the circumsatnces will be reversed. In the future she could be the one holding the whip. Mwuahahahahaha! Well those friends of hers sounds really bitchy. It isn't her fault that she's too good. They abused her. I never abused our friendship even if she looks up to me in highschool. Actually, I was the only one who stayed with her. Although it was because the teacher ordered us to befriend her. And so, one day I approached her and showed her a trick with my hands. Since that day she started tagging with me. Which annoys me. Because I'm a bit of a loner, stuck with my books. Tho you could say I have many friends.
But then annoyance gave way to tolerance. Then there it all started. Eventhough we aren't classmates anymore she accompanies me at lunch when I eat with Ruth and my sister.
And do try to influence some evil in her. Oh dress like me! No go for the shorter skirt. What do you mean your shy?! And don't look down when I talk to you and when eating! Chin up! Gawd! Have some spine!
Guess good conquers evil.
And yes I think I'm a loner, tho I have a very wide circle of close friends. But I know I can live on my own. College came, gawd I'm so influencial everybody looks up to me and listens to my decisions. I guess I'm good at adapting which is thankful. I am comfortable sitting at a table with people with the same age as mine as sitting with ederly matrons. And people older than me by a generation enjoys talking with me... be it a woman or a man.
And I'm comfortable being alone as being in a large group.
Uhuh. Im versatile.



tragedically bizzare